This is the second time today I have had to mention @imarebel116 and it will be the last. Check her blog out at http://mrsware92510.blogspot.com/.
About two weeks ago she asked me what are some qualities I look for in a significant other and what qualities I could do without if I met "the right person." Those are not the exact words but you get where I am going. One of the qualities that I mentioned was black. (Even though that isn't a quality of a person). I also said if I had to settle, black would still be one of the main "qualities." She responded by asking if the person was white, but possessed my main qualities or requirements, would I feel differently? I said no.
For some reason that question and my response stayed in my head. I kept wondering if my choice made me racist for saying no. After giving it thought, I told myself it is just preference. Is that something racist people say??
When looking at other people searching for love or those who have found love, I have never thought nothing of those who date outside of their race. You like what you like. You love who you love.
For myself, I just think it would be easier for me to relate to someone who has a common background or history that I have. I know there is a difference between race and religion, but I don't think my preference to date someone is black is different from a Jewish person wanting to marry a Jewish person. It's their mutual understanding of their history and culture that makes that relationship so important.
Those are the same sentiments that I have. I believe that mutual background is special. It makes everything about that love and relationship special.
What do you think? Racist or preference?
Thursday, May 26, 2011
One reason I DON'T want to be Oprah
When you think about the good life that Oprah has, what are some of the great things that come to mind?
Money. Fame. Money. Great friends. Money. Power. Respect. Money. Great career....and of course the list goes on, including money. However, what is one thing that we all never seem to mention when discussing the great life that Oprah has?
We never say we love her marriage or her relationship with her children. Even moreso, we never say we love her relationship with any of her family members. Of course we can't say we admire the first two relationships because, unfortuntately, she has no marriage or children. Yes, she has Steadman...but really? I would speculate that her relationships with family members aren't that great, but of course I don't know that. That could be an area of her life that she keeps secluded...and I don't blame her.
With all that said, after I realized that those weren't things we admired about her, I wondered what kind of life she actually has. Is she ever lonely? Does she ever regret not being married or having children? She could have no interest at all in those relationships, but for me, I think a life with all of those other things without children or a marriage would be lonely.
Of course it's great to love your career and to be great at what you do, but how great can those things be if you have no one in your life to share those blessings with you? I have always thought success meant having a great work life and great people to love and share those things with you.
After I started writing this blog, I wondered would I be asking this same question if Oprah was a man. I sat here and tried to think of ONE single, wealthy man with no children and came up blank. I even asked one of my admirers @imarebel116 to name a guy but of course she was no help. Moving on...I probably would feel the exact same way. I probably wouldn't think about it as much with the guy but the feelings would be the same.
Either way, I don't think I would ever want that life. To have all of those wonderful things and not have one person that I can talk to or share those things with....just wouldn't make all the other sacrifes worth it.
What about you? As long as you had a great career and friends, would you be okay without those other personal relationships?
Money. Fame. Money. Great friends. Money. Power. Respect. Money. Great career....and of course the list goes on, including money. However, what is one thing that we all never seem to mention when discussing the great life that Oprah has?
We never say we love her marriage or her relationship with her children. Even moreso, we never say we love her relationship with any of her family members. Of course we can't say we admire the first two relationships because, unfortuntately, she has no marriage or children. Yes, she has Steadman...but really? I would speculate that her relationships with family members aren't that great, but of course I don't know that. That could be an area of her life that she keeps secluded...and I don't blame her.
With all that said, after I realized that those weren't things we admired about her, I wondered what kind of life she actually has. Is she ever lonely? Does she ever regret not being married or having children? She could have no interest at all in those relationships, but for me, I think a life with all of those other things without children or a marriage would be lonely.
Of course it's great to love your career and to be great at what you do, but how great can those things be if you have no one in your life to share those blessings with you? I have always thought success meant having a great work life and great people to love and share those things with you.
After I started writing this blog, I wondered would I be asking this same question if Oprah was a man. I sat here and tried to think of ONE single, wealthy man with no children and came up blank. I even asked one of my admirers @imarebel116 to name a guy but of course she was no help. Moving on...I probably would feel the exact same way. I probably wouldn't think about it as much with the guy but the feelings would be the same.
Either way, I don't think I would ever want that life. To have all of those wonderful things and not have one person that I can talk to or share those things with....just wouldn't make all the other sacrifes worth it.
What about you? As long as you had a great career and friends, would you be okay without those other personal relationships?
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Going Dutch on the First Date
So you and the coworker or classmate have been flirting with each other for a couple of weeks and he finally decides to ask you out on a date. Yippy, it's the moment you have been waiting for! You pick a date, time and place. At the end of the conversation, he asks you how do you feel about going dutch.
What is your response?
Once upon a time I would have never thought about going on a dutch date, especially if I was the one to initiate the date. However, as I have had my share of first date experiences, this suddenly sounds like a good idea.
Let's think about it. Yes, I might have asked you but it's not like you didn't want to go. Why should I automatically have to take on the burden of paying for your meal? Outside of work, we really don't know each other. Technically we are two friends going to have dinner.
Guys, think about some of the first dates that you have had. How many of those first dates were horrible? There was no connection, the conversation was horrible and for some guys, that desert you were planning to get later, you didn't even get. You are stuck paying for a date that was horrible that gives you no return of investment.
Let's be honest, times are hard right now! I say we go dutch for the first 3 dates - if we make it that far. I need to make sure that you just didn't WOW me on the first date. The second date you are likely to be more comfortable and let your guard down. If you are still willing to go dutch in a third date, you just might be a keeper. That means you are really interested in my company and don't mind being in my company at your own expense. That, I like.
So, who wants to go dutch with me?
What is your response?
Once upon a time I would have never thought about going on a dutch date, especially if I was the one to initiate the date. However, as I have had my share of first date experiences, this suddenly sounds like a good idea.
Let's think about it. Yes, I might have asked you but it's not like you didn't want to go. Why should I automatically have to take on the burden of paying for your meal? Outside of work, we really don't know each other. Technically we are two friends going to have dinner.
Guys, think about some of the first dates that you have had. How many of those first dates were horrible? There was no connection, the conversation was horrible and for some guys, that desert you were planning to get later, you didn't even get. You are stuck paying for a date that was horrible that gives you no return of investment.
Let's be honest, times are hard right now! I say we go dutch for the first 3 dates - if we make it that far. I need to make sure that you just didn't WOW me on the first date. The second date you are likely to be more comfortable and let your guard down. If you are still willing to go dutch in a third date, you just might be a keeper. That means you are really interested in my company and don't mind being in my company at your own expense. That, I like.
So, who wants to go dutch with me?
"You make my ass want to suck a lemon"
One of the reasons I cant wait to have children is so I can say some of the crazy things that my elders have said to me.
Think back to your childhood. Those hot summer days at your grandma house when you and your cousins were hot and mad that the pickle lady around the corner was out of pickles. Remember how much trouble you got into because you wouldn't shut up? It can't just be me.
I decided to share 3 quotes that were said to me as a child that I can't wait to share with my children.
1. "You make my ass want to suck a lemon" - Grandma Tru. Honestly, I still have no idea what this means. I think this was her way of saying we were getting on her nerves. Could you imagine being eight years old and hearing your grandma say that? I don't know if I laughed at that exact moment, but I am sure I did later.
2. "And that's a fact, Jack" - Grandma Mac. My grandmother is INFAMOUS for telling people this. This is how she signs off after she just got you together. I want to say it to people now but they would be so confused and have no idea what I'm talking about.
3. "Drink your spit." - Mom. Lady! I'm about to fall out and you want me to drink my spit. Doesn't that just sound nasty? "DRINK your spit." I laugh about it now but I was soooo heated when she told me that. LOL. I wonder what would have happened if I reported that?? You're right. Nothing but a serious "conversation." You know what I mean.
I have PLENTY more but just wanted to share a few. What are some quotes from your grandma that you will never forget?
Think back to your childhood. Those hot summer days at your grandma house when you and your cousins were hot and mad that the pickle lady around the corner was out of pickles. Remember how much trouble you got into because you wouldn't shut up? It can't just be me.
I decided to share 3 quotes that were said to me as a child that I can't wait to share with my children.
1. "You make my ass want to suck a lemon" - Grandma Tru. Honestly, I still have no idea what this means. I think this was her way of saying we were getting on her nerves. Could you imagine being eight years old and hearing your grandma say that? I don't know if I laughed at that exact moment, but I am sure I did later.
2. "And that's a fact, Jack" - Grandma Mac. My grandmother is INFAMOUS for telling people this. This is how she signs off after she just got you together. I want to say it to people now but they would be so confused and have no idea what I'm talking about.
3. "Drink your spit." - Mom. Lady! I'm about to fall out and you want me to drink my spit. Doesn't that just sound nasty? "DRINK your spit." I laugh about it now but I was soooo heated when she told me that. LOL. I wonder what would have happened if I reported that?? You're right. Nothing but a serious "conversation." You know what I mean.
I have PLENTY more but just wanted to share a few. What are some quotes from your grandma that you will never forget?
Monday, May 9, 2011
16 & Pregnant
Once upon a time that phrase would be jaw-dropping but that no longer seems to be the case. This post is by no means intended to bash teenage mothers.
How familiar are you with the shows "16 & Pregnant," "Teen Mom" and "Secret Life of the American Teenager?" If somehow you have been under a rock for the past couple of years, each of these shows focus, or attempts to focus , on the struggles and life that a teenage mother has to endure while being pregnant and the immediate impact after giving birth. The first two are reality shows, while the later is a television series.
I have always wondered what message these type shows give to teenage girls. Some have said that these shows have caused a "Juno effect." "Juno" was the name of a movie where the title character was a teenager who became pregnant and initially decided to have an abortion , but later decides to put the child up for adoption. The "Juno effect" says that pop-culture glamorizes teenage pregnancy, causing teenagers to become pregnant or to believe that being a teenage mother is not difficult.I don't know if I think it increases pregnancy but I do believe that these shows have glamorized what it means to be a teenage mother.
Granted not every teenage mother has a hard life;however, those numbers definitely fall below the numbers for those teenage mothers who do have a hard life.
I haven't seen that many episodes of these shows, but how often do we really see these mothers struggling? In Secret Life, we saw the teenage mother being chased after a guy who came from a wealthy family. He wanted to step in take care of the mother and her child. I eventually quit watching but I think the he got over that.
Like the other shows, we never saw the real struggles that most mothers have to go through. I don't know if I have ever seen an episode of a mother applying for WIC, food stamps or any other type of assistance.
Even though the reality shows tell the stories of girls from different backgrounds and areas of the country, we don't have the opportunity to see a variety of women from many ethnic backgrounds, which is definitely a problem. If the show is looked at for being successful at telling the story of teenage mothers, it leaves out other ethnic groups. For some teenage girls, that could make them think that "this" doesn't happen to girls from their particular ethnicity, so they don't need to worry about pregnancy. If the shows are going to attempt to tell this important message, they should definitely attempt to make sure that other groups are included in the story.
What do you think about these shows? Are these shows glorifying teenage pregnancy? Do you disagree and think that these shows have done a good job at raising awareness on what it means to be a teenage mother?
Let me know.
How familiar are you with the shows "16 & Pregnant," "Teen Mom" and "Secret Life of the American Teenager?" If somehow you have been under a rock for the past couple of years, each of these shows focus, or attempts to focus , on the struggles and life that a teenage mother has to endure while being pregnant and the immediate impact after giving birth. The first two are reality shows, while the later is a television series.
I have always wondered what message these type shows give to teenage girls. Some have said that these shows have caused a "Juno effect." "Juno" was the name of a movie where the title character was a teenager who became pregnant and initially decided to have an abortion , but later decides to put the child up for adoption. The "Juno effect" says that pop-culture glamorizes teenage pregnancy, causing teenagers to become pregnant or to believe that being a teenage mother is not difficult.I don't know if I think it increases pregnancy but I do believe that these shows have glamorized what it means to be a teenage mother.
Granted not every teenage mother has a hard life;however, those numbers definitely fall below the numbers for those teenage mothers who do have a hard life.
I haven't seen that many episodes of these shows, but how often do we really see these mothers struggling? In Secret Life, we saw the teenage mother being chased after a guy who came from a wealthy family. He wanted to step in take care of the mother and her child. I eventually quit watching but I think the he got over that.
Like the other shows, we never saw the real struggles that most mothers have to go through. I don't know if I have ever seen an episode of a mother applying for WIC, food stamps or any other type of assistance.
Even though the reality shows tell the stories of girls from different backgrounds and areas of the country, we don't have the opportunity to see a variety of women from many ethnic backgrounds, which is definitely a problem. If the show is looked at for being successful at telling the story of teenage mothers, it leaves out other ethnic groups. For some teenage girls, that could make them think that "this" doesn't happen to girls from their particular ethnicity, so they don't need to worry about pregnancy. If the shows are going to attempt to tell this important message, they should definitely attempt to make sure that other groups are included in the story.
What do you think about these shows? Are these shows glorifying teenage pregnancy? Do you disagree and think that these shows have done a good job at raising awareness on what it means to be a teenage mother?
Let me know.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
When did teachers become the enemy?
I am not sure exactly what started this recent uproar against teachers but I find it quite appalling.
True, some scores could be better. A lot of teachers could probably do better. And this whole tenure thing should be evaluated. Honestly, three years after working and you have tenure? I digress.
The current trend seems to attack the people in the classroom and how they instruct our students. I hate that this is happening. The part that I hate the most is that a lot of this criticism is coming from people who have never stepped a foot inside of a classroom. I once heard a preacher say that people who have never done your job will always have suggestions on how to improve what you are doing. A lot of organizations and millionaires seem to all of a sudden know the best way to teach our students and train teachers. Yea, right.
Another major debate in some states concern whether or not vouchers should be given to families to send their children to private schools or if charter schools should be set up. If you don't know, charter schools are public schools that receive public funds. However, they have their own guidelines and are able to admit students that fall into a certain category or meet certain criteria.
I understand the desire to want to make sure that our children are receiving a quality education, but is this the way to do it? In my opinion, providing these options will probably make public schools worse. One, private schools already tend to outperform public schools. Giving the option to use a voucher would take those students who excel away from public schools. Charter schools are USUALLY for students who excel in areas like science, math, arts or technology. This would also take away those strong students. The charter school option would also take good teachers away from public schools.
This leaves us with reduced funding for public schools, students who are struggling and teachers without the experience necessary to help those students.
As I said earlier, I am not qualified to give a suggestion on how to change these things but I know that taking funding away from public schools and attacking teachers is not going to help. The field already has a hard time recruiting talent and these attacks on teachers are not helping. There has to be some a better way to find a solution to make better changes.
Just my two cents. As I close, the song below came to mind. Check it out.
John Legend & The Roots (Footage belongs to AOL.com)
What do you think??
True, some scores could be better. A lot of teachers could probably do better. And this whole tenure thing should be evaluated. Honestly, three years after working and you have tenure? I digress.
The current trend seems to attack the people in the classroom and how they instruct our students. I hate that this is happening. The part that I hate the most is that a lot of this criticism is coming from people who have never stepped a foot inside of a classroom. I once heard a preacher say that people who have never done your job will always have suggestions on how to improve what you are doing. A lot of organizations and millionaires seem to all of a sudden know the best way to teach our students and train teachers. Yea, right.
Another major debate in some states concern whether or not vouchers should be given to families to send their children to private schools or if charter schools should be set up. If you don't know, charter schools are public schools that receive public funds. However, they have their own guidelines and are able to admit students that fall into a certain category or meet certain criteria.
I understand the desire to want to make sure that our children are receiving a quality education, but is this the way to do it? In my opinion, providing these options will probably make public schools worse. One, private schools already tend to outperform public schools. Giving the option to use a voucher would take those students who excel away from public schools. Charter schools are USUALLY for students who excel in areas like science, math, arts or technology. This would also take away those strong students. The charter school option would also take good teachers away from public schools.
This leaves us with reduced funding for public schools, students who are struggling and teachers without the experience necessary to help those students.
As I said earlier, I am not qualified to give a suggestion on how to change these things but I know that taking funding away from public schools and attacking teachers is not going to help. The field already has a hard time recruiting talent and these attacks on teachers are not helping. There has to be some a better way to find a solution to make better changes.
Just my two cents. As I close, the song below came to mind. Check it out.
John Legend & The Roots (Footage belongs to AOL.com)
What do you think??
Monday, May 2, 2011
"The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others."
I was talking to a friend yesterday about a situation she is having with a guy. She said her mom mentioned that if one of her friend's were in the same situation, she would probably have told the friend to leave the guy alone. After saying it, she admitted that she probably would have.
It's amazing how we never take our own advice. There have been plenty of times I have told a friend something they should do with their own life, but I just wouldn't have the ability to do it myself. Whether it relates to love, friends, money or school...I have sometimes wondered why I always give great advice, so I say, but never take my own words into consideration.
Perhaps the advice we give others are things we actually want to do in our personal life but we don't have the moxie to do it. So, by telling others to do it, perhaps, we are able to see the thought carried out.
Who knows the reason? I am sure my friend and I are not the only two to fall in this category.
What do you think?
It's amazing how we never take our own advice. There have been plenty of times I have told a friend something they should do with their own life, but I just wouldn't have the ability to do it myself. Whether it relates to love, friends, money or school...I have sometimes wondered why I always give great advice, so I say, but never take my own words into consideration.
Perhaps the advice we give others are things we actually want to do in our personal life but we don't have the moxie to do it. So, by telling others to do it, perhaps, we are able to see the thought carried out.
Who knows the reason? I am sure my friend and I are not the only two to fall in this category.
What do you think?
Sunday, May 1, 2011
"Ain't no way for me to love you if you won't let me"
So as I prepare to witness the Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin perform live in Chicago, I have been brushing up on my favorite Aretha tunes. One of my favorites is "Ain't No Way." Check her out in the link below singing the song live.
Aretha Franklin "Ain't No Way"
I think this song says a lot for some people in a relationship. I know it has definitely echoed some of my feelings from a past relationship. Sometimes we find ourselves wanting to love someone completely but they just won't allow it. Thinking of it, I must admit that I have also been the person to not allow people to love me completely. A bad habit that I had in the past but I am now reformed! I think.
I've learned from that experience that I can't waste my time trying to give someone all of me if they are just making it impossible. It's hard to move on because we try to believe that eventually the person will change and things will be great. Other times we are just in denial about the situation.
But Aretha taught me that it just ain't no way. If you don't want my love, I definitely won't keep forcing on it on you. Deuces!
Do you have a favorite Aretha jam? What are some other songs that made you realize that you have to move on?
Aretha Franklin "Ain't No Way"
I think this song says a lot for some people in a relationship. I know it has definitely echoed some of my feelings from a past relationship. Sometimes we find ourselves wanting to love someone completely but they just won't allow it. Thinking of it, I must admit that I have also been the person to not allow people to love me completely. A bad habit that I had in the past but I am now reformed! I think.
I've learned from that experience that I can't waste my time trying to give someone all of me if they are just making it impossible. It's hard to move on because we try to believe that eventually the person will change and things will be great. Other times we are just in denial about the situation.
But Aretha taught me that it just ain't no way. If you don't want my love, I definitely won't keep forcing on it on you. Deuces!
Do you have a favorite Aretha jam? What are some other songs that made you realize that you have to move on?
"What are you afraid of?"
I can't remember the place and honestly can't remember the person, but I remember in the middle of conversation being asked what I am afraid of. My reply: "Being a failure." I remember the guy saying that is typical because "people like you" normally say that.
I didn't pay it any attention then, but later I kept wondering what "people like you" meant. He hadn't really known me long enough to categorize me in a group of people to make that kind of comment. As I ask myself that question today, the answer remains the same. I would imagine that for a lot of "people like me" - whatever that means -their sentiments are the same.
Recent graduates are in an awkward place in their life. You don't know what to do next, wondering if the next move is going to be the right move. I can't speak for everyone, but I know when I graduated I was worried that one wrong decision would lead me down a career path I would regret. By His grace, I haven't regretted any decisions. Sure, the city I live in is quite depressing, but I have learned a lot and have started to figure out where I want my life to go. Somewhat.
All of this is to say that I don't think that there is anything wrong with being afraid of failure. That fear keeps you driven and eager. For me, failure is my competition. I know that I always have to be two steps ahead if I want to win.
What are you afraid of? Is it crazy for one to fear failure?
I didn't pay it any attention then, but later I kept wondering what "people like you" meant. He hadn't really known me long enough to categorize me in a group of people to make that kind of comment. As I ask myself that question today, the answer remains the same. I would imagine that for a lot of "people like me" - whatever that means -their sentiments are the same.
Recent graduates are in an awkward place in their life. You don't know what to do next, wondering if the next move is going to be the right move. I can't speak for everyone, but I know when I graduated I was worried that one wrong decision would lead me down a career path I would regret. By His grace, I haven't regretted any decisions. Sure, the city I live in is quite depressing, but I have learned a lot and have started to figure out where I want my life to go. Somewhat.
All of this is to say that I don't think that there is anything wrong with being afraid of failure. That fear keeps you driven and eager. For me, failure is my competition. I know that I always have to be two steps ahead if I want to win.
What are you afraid of? Is it crazy for one to fear failure?
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